when I first met you I was jealous.
who is this guy?
why does everyone I know, know him?
why don’t I?
who is this guy?
okay, he can sing
I guess we can be friends.

years passed, songs were sang and played.
together.
we both messed up our lives.
we fell apart.
then you left.
I guess we can’t be friends.

years passed, I decided to do ministry.
college found us.
earlier hurts never let me forgive.
every presence set hairs on edge.
we both messed up our lives.
we fell apart.
then you left.
I guess we can’t be friends.

years passed, I became religious.
life found us.
never really got over our pasts.
tried to overlook everything.
one tiny mistake, one letter later
then you left.
I thought I was right.

years passed, I was wrong.
God found us.
with help from a friend
and the car crash that kept me.
because a place of such passion.
because our God restored us.
I was wrong.
you returned.
Thank God I was wrong.

I’ve never seen such restoration
as through our friendship.
I thank you for forgiving me.
I was wrong about you.
I thank God for you
and that I was wrong.

what does it take to serve God?
when the world saw me as clean, I knew otherwise.
now the world sees a shadow of darkness behind me.
a darkness I do not believe true.

what does it take to be a servant?
to love and live in the likeness of a Perfect God.
why must some fabricated past me be what they see
a fabrication I do not believe true.

this, at the point of my closest, is my pain.
I see you in me, for maybe the first time actually.
11 months ago you turned me from myself.
11 months of living out your will.
my pain is in my highest point.
that they see a fictitious point.
and that overshadows the perfect point
that, regardless of the counterfeit and overcoming the rest of it,
God has worked His perfect will in me.

Trying to reside in this
I find it harder to resist
feelings of uncertainty

Trying to reside in you
I find it harder to undo
the years I spent running

Trying to reside in love
I find it hard to overcome
lies of things I don’t recall

Finding time to rest in this
Finding time to rest in you
Finding time to rest in love
I need your every truth.

I simply cannot write anymore.
I have been trying.
I either have no time or no will to write anymore.
I cannot write.

Instead I will tell you about my life.

My life is a busy and confusing mess.
My life is a compressed and unknown catastrophe.
My life is a void and hollow disaster.
but my God is none of these things.
but my God creates me continually
to be the man I need to be.
to be the leader I need to be.
to be the voice that needs to speak.
to be the actions I have yet to make.
to be the song the world has yet to hear.
to be the friend to rest your head.
to be the follower of a risen cause.
to be the catalyst to spur others on.
to be the life others see Him in.