how can I return to those simpler times
innocence has a certain aroma
I regrettably never breathed

how can I return to those pleasant bouts
naivety’s fragrance succumbed
I regrettably never breathed

I cut and let go
let bleed the chains
the million pains
they used to keep me
they used to take me
until you made me

how can I return to those plain stages
integrity has a particular flavor
I regrettably never savored

how can I return to those ordinary phases
decency’s spice capitulated
I regrettably never savored

I cut and let go
let bleed the chains
the million pains
they used to keep me
they used to take me
until you made me

I ran
like child from rod
I ran from you
how regrettable

I ran
like moon from sun
I ran from you
how regrettable

how regrettable
how regrettable
to run from you
how regrettable
that life

light chasing
fragility is me
wind pursuits
fragility in me
now free
now free

home is calling
oh beckoning
I’m free
oh fragility
I’m free

how regrettable
who used to be
how regrettable
now I’m free
free to believe

I’m not going to tell you how I’m feeling now
I’m done with that
I’m done trying to become a fake person, an act
I’m sick of all the people all around me telling me how for me to be me
have you ever wondered how people made it before
how the sick and the starved ended up healthy and unharmed
I’m so alarmed by the lights flooding my face
I’m so nervous I’m going to fail you, fail me while failing you

I’m over all the people trying to consume me.
telling me who I’m supposed to be.
no one ever told me how to respect the common man
but soon the world will see what love did for me.

however I do it I assure you that I’m not losing pace
or the grace that comes from seeing your face
no matter what the status or wealth in my hands
it all seems rather boring if I’m doing it for me

when all we have is nothing
will we give ourselves
to your greatest mysteries?
when all we have is your love
will we bring others
from death into victory?

shaking in Your presence, I’m finding a new place to be.
am I a beloved son? am I a beloved one?
hear the cries, the sighs that joy produced.
that I am Yours, in Your arms draw me close.

call me home, anticipating answers I may never know.
who am I to call You Father? who am I to call heaven, home?
see the rise, the pride torn down for Your reward.
that brings light to lack thereof, the resolution.

eager for heaven’s song.
fearful I might have lost it along the way.
eager for the holy throne.
regrettably I tried usurping it from Your control.

path before me, set for me.
I concede, I receive, I believe.

if that’s who you are, then it’s who you are
but that’s not what I’m after
I’m called to be greater than who I am
in spite of who I’ve been
now I’d like to continue to voice my concern
and general disgust/distrust
but this is not the correct venue for such things

I’d rather explain my common disdain
for everything I’ve ever been
from a blind man willing to murder the help
or a thief trying hard not to get caught
I’m everything that’s hard to explain
to little kids when they are young
but this is no fairytale or child’s fable

happenstance finds correct this time
to tell the world my great treasure
the reason the past has quickly passed
why this life is no longer mine
a page once read of love untainted
undauntedly reading I found what was needed
a page and a message of unreserved healing

I’d like to thank you for all you’ve done for me
you’ll never know the path you put me on
or decisions you pushed my entirety to
eternally grateful, an understatement

I’d like to thank you for all you’ve done for me
you’ll never know how close I was
or how much I needed that forgiveness
how forgetful, a realization

I’d like to thank you for all you’ve done for me
you’ll never know how trapped I was
or how destruction became the habit of choice
temporary satisfaction, a facade

I’d like to thank you for all you’ve done for me
you’ll never know the depths I traveled
or heights that seemingly dropped me
how regrettable, an observation

moving forward.
moving for moving’s sake.
not anymore.

four people recounted above
each showed me how to love
love another, love my brother
love the fact “I can be myself”